To Piero

Padre carissimo,

The M of the hand that trembles is the same M that draws the canals of Milan when the water is still enough to hold a reflection, and the same M that does not hold when I try to sign my name at the bottom of a page. I have been thinking of the letter M because it is the first letter of mia madre, of morte, of mare, of mano that cannot stay still. The M is the hump of the camel in the margin of an Arabic manuscript I saw once in Venice, and the M is the dip of the needle in the compass that will not point north when the iron is near. It is the mouth that speaks and the mouth that cannot. It is the mark I leave on the wet clay when I press too hard, and the mark I fail to leave when I am tired.

You remember the time in Vinci when I carved the letters M and V into the bark of the fig tree with my knife, and you said it was a waste of good wood. I did it again anyway, and the tree bled a little, and the letters grew crooked as my hand grew. Now the tree is old and the letters are swallowed by the bark, but if you press your palm where I cut, you can feel the ridge beneath the skin of the tree, like the ridge beneath the skin of my palm when I try to write your name.

The M is also the shape of the mountains here in France when the light is low and the snow is melting in the folds. It is the shape of the back of a man who walks bent over his plow, and the shape of the curve of the spine when it is too late to straighten. I see it in the clouds when they gather over the Loire, and in the way the water ripples when the wind is from the west.

I have been trying to draw the M of the Virgin’s mantle in the Annunciation, but the folds will not obey me. They slip away like water. I have tried to hold them with lines, but the lines are too stiff, and the mantle looks like a tent pitched in a storm. Perhaps if I use my left hand, the trembling will help. Or perhaps if I do not try at all, the mantle will fold itself as it should.

The M is the first letter of mio padre, and the last letter of vostro figlio affettuoso.

vostro figlio affettuoso.